In 2009, my brother sent him to live with me in Florida. At the the time, I was temporarily living with my mother for a few months (recovering from a job loss), and beginning my own journey into acquiring my GED and beginning a college career to better my life and my daughters. As a single mother, it was difficult to do this after working full-time from the time I was 16.My older brother sent him to live with me, and did so out of love; however he has AIDS and could not care for him.
I moved back to Memphis in September of 2009, and my father followed in March of 2010 - a few months after I started college. It was a struggle, but I found a job and was doing well in school. July 8, 2014 I never dreamed I would be tasked with embarking on a college career, and taking care of my father simultaneously.
We've managed up to this point.He was living in an independent low-income unit, but had increasing memory problems. His apartment was within walking distance to the VA, which meant he could walk to his appointments (we have an unreliable vehicle). He loves to visit the commissary, and socialize, however; in January 2014 he was arrested twice for criminal trespass because he was there after hours. The not-so-funny part of this is the reason he did not heed the warnings of security is because he has dementia (which is now at the point of 24 hour care-he cannot be left alone). The charges were dropped after four months of court dates and struggling to find a public defender that understood his dementia. The prosecutor even took a look and him and insisted on moving forward with the charges, even after finding out he had dementia. The judge would not let me speak...
On June 26, 2014, the low-income housing has evicted him for not complying with their requests to let them enter his unit (he doesn't remember to be there - therefore - non-compliant). I did not realize how severe his dementia was. The low-income housing sprayed for bugs without telling him (or me) and if they did, he didn't remember. The spraying did not help the bug situation, and It exacerbated his COPD and he was hospitalized for seven days. We did not realize the bug spray was causing these problems until we entered his unit to retrieve his belongings and he started coughing and having trouble breathing.On July 4th, 2014, I discharged him from the hospital, his doctors said he needs 24/7 care, so we brought him home to live with us until we could get him the help he needs.His income is $598.00 a month from social security. This would be more if child support was not taken out and sent to my mother. He opted out of Medicaid/Medicare, because it deducted $100.00 a month, which, in his mind, was too much. In 2010, he applied for VA pension/disability, but his military records were burned in the St. Louis Fire. St. Louis Fire. We have requested these files for years, always getting the runaround. In the meantime, his health is deteriorating. We finally have a lawyer on his side, however; still waiting on the service records to be verified. The St. Louis office continues to say they cannot find his files, yet he receives full medical care from the VA - the records are there, they just don't want to do the work to find them.
The Medicare/Medicare application period is closed until January 2015, so he does not qualify for nursing care - or any assistance through those programs.If the VA pension is approved, and his service connected prostate cancer and COPD is accepted, he will qualify for Aid and Attendance, which will pay a large portion of the assisted living costs.
In the meantime, we've slotted out a room in our home to help until his benefits arrive and he can afford an assisted living facility that will provide him a sense of freedom, while receiving the constant care and attention he needs. However, the first three days he was here, he wandered off. I called the police to help find him one of the days, and the others, he called from a strangers phone and had walked miles from our home. I am in my final year of school, and have a 3.65 GPA studying Environmental Science with a minor in Biology, preparing to graduate in 2015. It's taken me a long time to get my degree, because I've taken months off to help my father, now that I am his full-time caretaker, my job search is halted and my life is on hold. I am determined to graduate and be the first woman in my family with a college degree.
I've been on the verge of giving up....so many times. The stress is/was immense raising a teenager, being a college student, and doing my best to take care of my father. There is no telling how long it will take to get all his affairs in order, and we need help. The money raised from this campaign will be used to pay for an Alzheimer's/dementia secure assisted living home nearby until the red tape clears and his benefits are approved.
He needs reminders to bathe, take his medications, and eat. He cannot be left alone. I cook three meals a day, take him to his medical appointments (which have increased because he has a growing nodule in his lung), and keep up with his paperwork/appointments for pension/benefits, and more. It is all encompassing. Thank you for taking the time to read our story. I will update occasionally and as I find out about resources that actually help - I will post on the links page.
I will be completing my degree in February of 2015. I hope to find work soon. In the meantime, I will have to take my father with me to job interviews or find a friend to watch him while I attend my interview.
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